Do you WANT to win?

“You can lose, or, if you want to win, you can change” – Lester Thurlow

Life is full of competition and there is no escaping it.  Only when we resolve ourselves to commit to the adventure will we actually move forward on the road of success.  Too often we push success so far into the future as a goal or ending point that we miss out on  success for today.  There is success in our:  every day, every action, every re-action, every hurdle and every moment that we choose to engage in.

When we choose to WANT to win it always requires change.  Growth requires change.  Success requires change.  Losing is easy.  Giving up is a breeze.  Even fulfilling the life plans of others is easier than taking personal accountability to the destiny God has place before each of us.

Step back and acknowledge the top three priorities in your life today.  Compare them with the goals you’ve set before yourself.   Keep a time log of your days for 2wks to 1mth.  Evaluate and take action.  Do you have a clear view of where you are going and what it will take to get you there?  Have you gotten distracted or tempted by things that bring instant gratification?   Have you allowed other things to fill your days that you never intended to invest so much time, money or energy in?

Take on life or it will overtake you.  Make the changes and win.

sowing and showing kindness

I loved Pastor Steve’s teaching on kindness this weekend.  If you missed it check out our website for the audio.

Kindness.  It seems so easy.  Yet we are constantly challenged to take the time to see beyond ourselves and notice the ripple of impact we leave on others.  Though it’s there inside us as a Fruit of the Spirit, it is often overshadowed. Don’t be deceived in thinking that kindness is for those who are mercy motivated or relationally motivated.  Kindness is for every person and will literally open doors of opportunities when all else fails.

As I’ve been pondering this message, I realized that there’s a fine line between showing kindness and sowing kindness.  I believe God calls us to sow kindness far more often than we show it.  When we live as sowers the quality of our living goes way up.

Showing kindness can be an act of cleansing – a way of clearing the muck from relationships.  It’s not so much a well thought out process but rather a re-active measure.  When someone forgives me they’ve shown me kindness.  When I smile and greet someone with a handshake, I show them kindness.  Customer service begins with showing kindness.

However, when we only show kindness we fall short of the higher goal.  In this mindset  it becomes easy to get caught up keeping score, take on  an “all about me” instant gratification mindset, therefore limiting our harvest.  When we only show kindness it’s easy for others to see it as “manipulation”.  I admit it, I’ve done it.  I’ve given my husband a sweet hug, smack on the lips or a shoulder rub to prime the pump for a favor.  Yes, I showed kindness but I didn’t sow it.  There was a method to my madness and I got what I wanted out of the exchange.    However, if I only showed him kindness by these terms it would ultimately destroy the trust we’ve worked so hard to build.

Now, when we sow kindness we take this tool to a whole new level.  Sowing is a premeditated act – a purposeful act for the good of a person or even an organization.  There’s a great harvest when we stop thinking about ourselves and get proactive in this area – When we build a lifestyle of adding value to others. It’s the stuff that makes memories – creates an “experience to remember”.  And ultimately, when we add value to others we experience great personal successes.  Zig Ziglar once said “You can get everything in life you want if you help enough other people get what they want”.  The key to this is to know what others need or appreciate and give it generously with excellence.  (Remember – excellence is doing the best with what you have!)

Being a very intuitive, passionate, people person I tend to feel things early and deep.  I see the writing on peoples faces and love getting to know what it is that makes them smile.  The flip side of this is that getting my own feelings hurt is a common occurrence.  I used to pour so much energy into protecting myself from hurt that I’d wear myself down emotionally.  Questioning if I should even show that person who hurt me kindness.  Literally I tried to become meaner.

One of the best leaders to have ever impacted my life, helped me to “see the light”.  Micah would tell me, “You know you will get hurt so focus on how to act when it happens instead of how to avoid it.”   He showed me that being easily hurt is more about my wiring rather than other peoples intentions.  This allowed me to separate sowing kindness from what the person may deserve.  Never -  never allow your own feelings to get in the way of sowing and showing kindness.

Kindness always moves us forward and at the very least sideways.

be content no matter where you are

I was listening to Ed and Lisa Young on the Today Show and it reminded me about my role as a woman of God, wife, mother, neighbor, friend and leader.

Life in general has so much to offer that it’s easy to over commit, become over stimulated, end up over the top and on the very edge of burnout.   If Religion is jumping through hoops trying to appease God and man, then Relationship is all about contentment.

Contentment is not sitting through life being idle nor is it skimming across life trying to squeeze it all in.

• Contentment is found in the balance of priorities and commitments.  It lives and breathes in that “safe harbor” of  nurturing friendships.  It trusts in the authority figures God has placed over us to guide us in accountability.  It energizes and strengthens us in that place beside still waters that are constantly available to us.

Contentment is not passive, never a weakness.

• It takes an incredible amount of strength to live in a place of contentment.  It means letting go of some of the things you love to do, so that you can be available to do the things God’s called you to.  It means determining which of those things in your life are priority and re-evaluating the things you’ve committed to.  That’s hard.  I’ve had to do it.  I’ve had to let go of some amazing things because of the unbalance they brought.

It’s very challenging  for me  when God calls me to step back and evaluate my life.  When He shows me that it’s time to make a choice that seems to be moving me backwards because I’ve left others behind.  Asking me to live in what could be a shadow can be terrifying.  That’s where I have to dig down deep and know that I know, that I know, it’s not about what happens to me – rather what’s happening in me.

Contentment is found within.

When God hands you a paintbrush

I’ve been painting the whole inside of my house.  3,000 square feet of  trim, doors, walls and ceilings – 2 coats on everything.  There are 7 people that live in my house – 4 of them are kids.  It’s been 5 years since it’s been painted and being that there is no “Dave Ramsey Envelope” with enough cash to hire someone to take this daunting task off my hands, I have gladly taken up the paint brush.  And of course my dear hubby who feels so incredibly honored that I would devote my days to this chore has stepped in a to help bear the burden.

Here’s what makes me laugh.  The remarks I get:  You just love to stay busy.  Do I dream about painting?  Wow, I really know how to turn a house upside down.  The house should be well insulated with all those coats of paint.  You’re painting again????  No one will notice that door being a half shade off – why paint it?  Why do you always have to have projects going?  I can’t wait till you put this house back together….and….and…and…

Why is it that people who have nothing invested in what I’m doing complain about what I’m doing?  How is it that what I’m doing wears others out?  Why is it so inconvenient for everyone but the those of us who are taking the time out of our lives to do the chore?  What is so wrong with wanting the things that God has given me to shine and be beautiful?

Leaders, how often do we make the mistake of rolling our eyes at people when we should be patting them on the back and recognizing honorable hard work.  When we should be offering a steaming hot cup of coffee (chai for me) to re-energize the weary.   Not everyone can delegate at all times.  Nor should we.  Sometimes God wants us to do the work – to feel the pain in our muscles, to stink from the sweat.  There are huge lessons to be learned when we come down off the mountain of leadership and take up space in the battlefield.  For most of us it’s the lesson of understanding and empathy.  Appreciation becomes genuine when we can honestly say “I’ve been there brother”.  Strategies can be reshaped in cutting edge ways because of personal experience.  Innovation happens when we tire of the blisters.

So before you waste another breath judging how another approaches  projects, look around, you might find a paintbrush with your name on it.  After all, virtual tours don’t impact us as deep as the time spent in the arena of blood, sweat and tears.

what you see is what you get

Wrong – Absolutely wrong!  And how many times have we either said this in our minds or out loud?  I dare you to change one word in that phrase and see the difference.  One word changed and you’re back in control.  One simple word that changes everything.

HOW you see is what you get.  HOW you see me is what you’ll get from me. 

HOW you see life is what you’ll get from life. 

I could sit here today and write about how life is so hard, so unfair, so so so………………. And I make no difference sitting in that mindset.  The world closes in – getting smaller and smaller – I get smaller and smaller.

But…. when I change HOW I look at life, at people that dizzy spiral downward feeling stops with a jerk.  My lungs fill with air, the room begins to brighten…I get taller, my world gets bigger….I make a difference.

I dared to change HOW I  see everything.  

H OW I  see you…. HOW I see me…. HOW I see life.

Love People – Love God

The greatest opportunity set before us in life has to do with love and God.  Loving others and loving God.  And the two are linked together.

God entrusted his love to us.  When you look up entrust it speaks of handing over a responsibility, recognition, investing, authorizing.  We entrust our children to the care of the volunteers in the Children’s Ministry.  When we do this we expect that our children will be handled with care, will be taught the Word, will be protected and loved.  When we entrust we are expecting the people in whom we’ve authorized this responsibility to do good and right things.

God entrusted His love to us.

As His people, we then are called to act responsibly, knowing we have been recognized as a worthy investment.  He’s already given it to us – the moment we accepted Him as Lord and Savior, He declared us a worthy investment. We did nothing to earn it.  We simply opened our hearts to Him, entrusted our lives to Him and He entrusted Himself back to us.  Not quit an equal investment I’d say.  I trade my life for His love?  The God of the universe, who knows me, who designed me, who sees the beginning from the end declares that I am worthy of His love.  Not only worthy of it but trusted to share it with others!

Doesn’t that make your head spin?  Throughout life we draw conclusions about what we experience from others.  Conclusions that say we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not old enough, not young enough, not ________ – you fill in the blank or blanks.

So here’s the challenge – can we live up to the standard God has set in His example of entrusting His love to us, by loving others the same way.  By applying the filter of forgiveness to every action, every wrong word that comes our way and see people as God sees them, as He saw us – a worthy investment.  An investment that requires nothing in the way of having to earn our love because while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Love and God are linked together.  If we want to love others we must love God – correctly.  If we want love God we must love others – correctly.  You cannot have one without the other.  You might be able to get away with it for a season but head knowledge doesn’t take us very far into our destiny.  Heart knowledge is where the Truth sets us FREE.

is your world too small?

Sometimes I think I’m living life as if I’m looking out of a pair of binoculars backwards.  Where everything looks tiny yet somehow magnified.  I love the daily rituals I have and all the things that make up my life.  However,  if I’m not careful I tend to stay in the mindset of being full or even overwhelmed by the small stuff.  And to be extremely open – I know how to play the part of this victim mentality really well.

So, because I refuse to allow myself the privelge of wallowing in that mire of mud, I head towards the other ditch.  Cruising down the highway going from point A to point B running a task list through my head.  Everythings allllllll gooood, not sweating the small stuff, plucking forward – checking off the LIST – doing what simply just needs to be done.  And to be extremely open – I know how to play the part of the disengaged empty spirit really well too.

To be very very very very open with you.  I hate those ditches.  Both ditches create a world that is too small.  Too doable – too safe.  People teach themselves to feel safe in a mryiad of emotions just as much as they teach themselves to feel safe in a 12″ thick coat of armor where emotions stay out and emotions stay hidden inside.

You know when I’m at my happiest?  Some of you have had the experience of driving with me when I’m on top of a big big world and feeling mighty fine.  Ya’ll may not be enjoying the experience but I sure am.  Laughing till tears spill out of my eyes as you grip the arm rest for dear life or rip out a prayer for safety.  And behind those words you’re laughing too.  Even though you’d rather be in the drivers seat irratating the snot out of me, you’re laughing because that mindset is contagious.

No, I’m not a bad driver.  I don’t speed or do crazy things.  I just know how to open all the windows and the moon roof and pretend that my van is a convertible.  I know how to make people laugh and scare the pee out of them.  I have all the buttons at my fingertips that will open doors randomly or crank up the music.  I am in control and loving it.  Actually, I’m out of control and loving it.

My world will be as big as I make it – as big as I let it become.  And it only grows when I’m enjoying it.  Enjoying the successes and the mistakes.  Enjoying the boring details and the icing.  Enjoying the people who walk in and out of it.  Enjoying every experience at it’s fullest – embracing the emotions – the fear, the tears, the pain, the laughter, the love, the passion.  Embracing the emotions knowing that I am in control – that I am fully equipped by a God who says, nothing is impossible.

Drive home today, roll your windows down, turn up the music, sing along and laugh or smile real big.  There’s a big big world waiting for you.

Diamonds (part 4)

I’m remembering that rock polisher.  I hated that machine.  It ran for two weeks in our garage which happens to be below our bedroom.  It’s loud and annoying.

At times I’ve felt like I’ve been inside that machine.  Being raised with the mindset of being nice.  No matter what the situation I was brought up to be peaceful.  I was taught to fix the hurt in others.  I took it to such an extreme, I ended up wearing all my angles down becoming a smooth shiny rock and not the diamond God intended me to be.

I’ve spent years challenging myself to become the diamond.  At times I ended up in the other ditch.  I was called a bull in a china shop (and sometimes still do lol!).  So I’d try to be soft again and end up losing myself in too much niceness.  I could relate to those huge giant dogs who act skittish rather than embrace the strength they were built with.

I looked at those two people in the mirror and wondered which one I was I supposed to be that day.  The sharp tough girl or the sweet people pleaser.  It’s a life that resembled a yo yo – not a diamond.

It really hasn’t been until the last few years that I realized both ditches were based out of fear.  I wasn’t embracing the angles God had designed for me.  Instead, I had taken on different planes and edges from the people I had looked up to, trying to become someone else.

Even today, I find myself on occasion leaning towards those patterns when I start comparing myself to others or end up in a situation that requires the risk of great vulnerability.  God has to kick me in the butt then and remind me of who I am.  I laugh at it now because it’s all good.  With every kick in the butt I get stronger – moving further beyond it.  And I get to use what I’ve learned to help grow others.

Don’t let your past determine your future.  Learn from it and grow  and grow and grow some more.  Embrace the pressures and trials – the failures and successes.  It’s what makes us so very very beautiful.

Speaking of diamonds…check out this super hot, diamond covered Mercedes.  I need to get John to make more money…

Diamonds (part 3)

Cutting diamonds is a delicate procedure.  Unless of course you’re Superman… He squeezed carbon in his hand and in seconds had a diamond.

Since diamond is the hardest known substance, a combination of diamond dust and olive oil must be used to cut and shape the stone.  Because of it’s brittleness they can be split by a single blow.   An experienced diamond cutter then, needs to be able to identify the natural plane of the diamond before he begins cutting in order to achieve a jewel that will disperse the light through it’s angles reflecting it’s beauty.

We need to look at our people as diamonds and think about the amount of time, energy and resources that have gone into making them.  God gives us diamonds.  He calls us as leaders to learn the delicate art of diamond cutting.  Though we didn’t make these diamonds, we have been entrusted to shape them in ways that will allow their light to shine effectively.

That intimidates me.  Before I can begin shaping my team I need to take the time to determine each persons natural plane or character.  People don’t usually come with instructions and God was very careful to create us all in His image.  We have to remember that we are parts of the whole.  It isn’t our job to be the potter, molding others into ourselves.  It’s our job to help people define who God has created them to be.

As a leader, I sometimes get caught up in the race running at great speed.   I find myself going through life checking off task lists, wanting to be so very excellent in all I do.  The speed picks up so fast that I forget to check the machine and add more dust (coaching) and oil (encouragement) as I impact those around me.  The danger is that diamonds can scratch diamonds.  So, in knowing this, I need to constantly check my pace and get to know the diamonds in my life – my husband, my children, my friends, my teammates.  When I take the time up front to notice them, notice the details that define them, I am so much more confident in the shaping process.

Diamonds (part 2)

Diamonds are made from the same substance as the lead in pencils or coal.  The difference is that atoms are arranged more tightly in a diamond, making them harder.  God never intended that we be a piece of coal or simple pencil lead.  We’ve got to learn how to “failure forward”.

All the elements that make up a diamond were in me before I became a Christian.  Though I didn’t know how to endure the pressures of life in such a way to get me from coal to Diamond.  I ended up making vows that ultimately hurt me and the people around me.  I vowed I wouldn’t cry because it was a sign of weakness – so instead I’d get mad.  Then I’d shove the anger down so deep inside me because I wasn’t allowed to express it.  Eventually it was common for me to have to deal with 2 hour nose bleeds that weren’t very sightly.

I wasn’t learning to deal with failures in my life I was avoiding them.  (Actually getting crushed by them) I grew up believing I was born a failure.  A mistake.  I didn’t talk about it much because I didn’t want to hurt anyone by revealing my thoughts.  Eventually any slip up felt like a landslide and life was just too hard.  You can imagine where the story goes from there.  I want to skip forward though to today.

Today, I still HATE to fail.  There are times when I feel like failure and regret have overtaken me.  It usually happens when I’m overwhelmed with life, when affirmations and growth aren’t balanced, when the big picture gets blurry.  Failure is something I’ll always experience though because I’m a driver, a mover, a shaker.  I love risk and challenging status quo.  Life on the cutting, edge swimming up river is sooooo much fun.  And that’s where innovation AND failure happen.

I don’t deal with nose bleeds anymore.  Trusting God and having an incredible husband has changed my life.  I broke the vows I had spoken over myself and repented from trying to be God.  I have four amazing kids who get to have me, the mom and women God created me to be.

So here’s what I’ve learned about failure that keeps me moving forward becoming the DIAMOND God has created me to be:

• There is a BIG difference between being a failure and failing. The only way to have great success is to have great failures.  A failure is simply something that didn’t work.  It’s when we take the failure on making it part of who we are that creates a fear of failure and we then get paralyzed – we end up making poor decisions because we end up in survival mode.  (If you find yourself here then simply repent and learn to live above the circumstances of life.  Confess all the things the Bible says you are “in Him”)
• Failure is subjective. I’m re-reading John Maxwell’s book “Failing Forward”.  He says that you are the only person who can really label WHAT you do as a failure.  Your perception of and response to your mistakes determine whether your actions are failures.  As a leader I need to remind myself that I am responsible for producing results.  They might not always be the right ones but I’m not moving forward if I’m not producing results – taking action.
• Don’t base your self worth on your performance. This is a hard one for me since I was raised to please people.  Love had a price tag and it didn’t come cheap.  It’s taken me years to understand that the Cross was a free gift.  I’d give you the shirt off my back, run myself into the ground doing things for you but to receive from others was something else entirely.  I’m still strengthening myself in this area by focusing on greatly this year.  My success as a leader depends on it.  I have a church that I’m so grateful for.  Being taught the Word of God in such an applicable way has changed my life.  Five years ago I could barely look at myself in the mirror and now I’m much more comfortable wearing the confidence and embracing the beauty God has given me.
• Be a life long learner. Don’t make the mistake of graduating from life when you graduate from school.  I’ve invested thousands of dollars in books that I read and re-read.  I haven’t “arrived” yet.  I still get tripped up on occasion.  I’m still getting re-wired in areas.  Without taking what others have learned who have gone before me  I would be stuck in that rut I had dug for myself as a youth.  Discover your strengths and build on them.  I have confessed for nearly 20 years that I want more of God and He’s been faithful to honor that.  He shows up in books, other great leaders, in the fellowship of friends and family…etc.  I’ll never, EVER outgrow God.

Don’t be afraid of failure.  Embrace it as a stepping stone as you move through life.  You have the makings of a diamond inside!