You know that thing God calls us to do?
I love to paint. Actually I love the time I spend singing and worshiping my God while listening to my Ipod as I paint. If I could find a task that shuts out all the “noise” in my life that didn’t require such physical effort then I’d certainly trade. Yet nothing comes close to sitting on the floor running a brush across the wall and enjoying the fact that I don’t need to use tape because I am that good. 
As I got lost in the mixture of music and paint this morning I realized I had a smile on my face and this blanket of peace covered me. Wasn’t thinking about any goals, tasks or plans necessarily – just life as a whole. I’m content. Really REALLY content. I’ve never been able to say that before! I’ve lived a life trying to measure up – pleasing everyone – and putting myself last. Don’t get me wrong though – I’ve been living life and living it full. I love my life and I love to laugh. Yet for years at the very VERY core of me there was this place I couldn’t seem to touch. It’s been very easy to ignore because it’s not screaming at me – it just sits there as I skirt around it living.
I think it took getting a little older, wiser, more comfortable in my skin to slow down enough to look at it – honestly embrace it. I think I found me in there. The me that God originally created before people started “programming” me. It’s a little unnerving actually. I’ve spent all my life trying to dance to this song that my feet didn’t understand, yet despite the bruises, God has been faithful. I’ve climbed huge “mountains” and conquered overwhelming “battles”.
I’ve spent so many years searching for who I was supposed to be when I’ve been here all along. I just couldn’t see it – couldn’t feel it – couldn’t hear it – couldn’t embrace it. I’d sing songs that tell God that I’ll make my heart His home and always wondered – how does that work? When I asked Jesus into my heart over 20 years ago I can say that I never fully understood where this place was in my heart that He was suppose to occupy. So, in faith I’ve lived knowing He’s been there. And because of that I’ve seen miracles, walked in His power, prayed for what seemed like hours, wept gallons of tears over the lost and broken and loved Him with all my heart and soul.
Now, I think I understand. He calls us to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. To enter into His rest. This takes place way deep down in our core. In that place where we invite Him to live – His home in us. Where He and I become we. Where I live out of His power, His love. Where I become the daughter of the very Creator of the universe and conquer ever “Mission Impossible” because it’s from this place where all things are TRULY possible. He wasn’t playing hide and seek from me – I just wasn’t ready to see it – find it or truly embrace it.
I’ll admit – it’s scary and exciting. Wish I would of had this understanding long long ago actually. I am truly grateful I get to pass on this legacy to my four beautiful children. And really – let’s be serious, I am only 37. The world is at my fingertips and mine for the taking. I chose years ago to be all that He’s called me to be and now I get to do it with even more flair – more power – more confidence. I’m kicking down the walls that encased the very core of who I am and letting it seep into my entire being.
Maybe it’s time you do some painting – and singing. Find that thing that causes you to enter His rest allowing you to worship Him in Spirit AND in Truth.
this was beautiful