Diamonds (part 2)

Diamonds are made from the same substance as the lead in pencils or coal.  The difference is that atoms are arranged more tightly in a diamond, making them harder.  God never intended that we be a piece of coal or simple pencil lead.  We’ve got to learn how to “failure forward”.

All the elements that make up a diamond were in me before I became a Christian.  Though I didn’t know how to endure the pressures of life in such a way to get me from coal to Diamond.  I ended up making vows that ultimately hurt me and the people around me.  I vowed I wouldn’t cry because it was a sign of weakness – so instead I’d get mad.  Then I’d shove the anger down so deep inside me because I wasn’t allowed to express it.  Eventually it was common for me to have to deal with 2 hour nose bleeds that weren’t very sightly.

I wasn’t learning to deal with failures in my life I was avoiding them.  (Actually getting crushed by them) I grew up believing I was born a failure.  A mistake.  I didn’t talk about it much because I didn’t want to hurt anyone by revealing my thoughts.  Eventually any slip up felt like a landslide and life was just too hard.  You can imagine where the story goes from there.  I want to skip forward though to today.

Today, I still HATE to fail.  There are times when I feel like failure and regret have overtaken me.  It usually happens when I’m overwhelmed with life, when affirmations and growth aren’t balanced, when the big picture gets blurry.  Failure is something I’ll always experience though because I’m a driver, a mover, a shaker.  I love risk and challenging status quo.  Life on the cutting, edge swimming up river is sooooo much fun.  And that’s where innovation AND failure happen.

I don’t deal with nose bleeds anymore.  Trusting God and having an incredible husband has changed my life.  I broke the vows I had spoken over myself and repented from trying to be God.  I have four amazing kids who get to have me, the mom and women God created me to be.

So here’s what I’ve learned about failure that keeps me moving forward becoming the DIAMOND God has created me to be:

• There is a BIG difference between being a failure and failing. The only way to have great success is to have great failures.  A failure is simply something that didn’t work.  It’s when we take the failure on making it part of who we are that creates a fear of failure and we then get paralyzed – we end up making poor decisions because we end up in survival mode.  (If you find yourself here then simply repent and learn to live above the circumstances of life.  Confess all the things the Bible says you are “in Him”)
• Failure is subjective. I’m re-reading John Maxwell’s book “Failing Forward”.  He says that you are the only person who can really label WHAT you do as a failure.  Your perception of and response to your mistakes determine whether your actions are failures.  As a leader I need to remind myself that I am responsible for producing results.  They might not always be the right ones but I’m not moving forward if I’m not producing results – taking action.
• Don’t base your self worth on your performance. This is a hard one for me since I was raised to please people.  Love had a price tag and it didn’t come cheap.  It’s taken me years to understand that the Cross was a free gift.  I’d give you the shirt off my back, run myself into the ground doing things for you but to receive from others was something else entirely.  I’m still strengthening myself in this area by focusing on greatly this year.  My success as a leader depends on it.  I have a church that I’m so grateful for.  Being taught the Word of God in such an applicable way has changed my life.  Five years ago I could barely look at myself in the mirror and now I’m much more comfortable wearing the confidence and embracing the beauty God has given me.
• Be a life long learner. Don’t make the mistake of graduating from life when you graduate from school.  I’ve invested thousands of dollars in books that I read and re-read.  I haven’t “arrived” yet.  I still get tripped up on occasion.  I’m still getting re-wired in areas.  Without taking what others have learned who have gone before me  I would be stuck in that rut I had dug for myself as a youth.  Discover your strengths and build on them.  I have confessed for nearly 20 years that I want more of God and He’s been faithful to honor that.  He shows up in books, other great leaders, in the fellowship of friends and family…etc.  I’ll never, EVER outgrow God.

Don’t be afraid of failure.  Embrace it as a stepping stone as you move through life.  You have the makings of a diamond inside!

~ by Jen Chappell on September 23, 2009.