is your world too small?

Sometimes I think I’m living life as if I’m looking out of a pair of binoculars backwards.  Where everything looks tiny yet somehow magnified.  I love the daily rituals I have and all the things that make up my life.  However,  if I’m not careful I tend to stay in the mindset of being full or even overwhelmed by the small stuff.  And to be extremely open – I know how to play the part of this victim mentality really well.

So, because I refuse to allow myself the privelge of wallowing in that mire of mud, I head towards the other ditch.  Cruising down the highway going from point A to point B running a task list through my head.  Everythings allllllll gooood, not sweating the small stuff, plucking forward – checking off the LIST – doing what simply just needs to be done.  And to be extremely open – I know how to play the part of the disengaged empty spirit really well too.

To be very very very very open with you.  I hate those ditches.  Both ditches create a world that is too small.  Too doable – too safe.  People teach themselves to feel safe in a mryiad of emotions just as much as they teach themselves to feel safe in a 12″ thick coat of armor where emotions stay out and emotions stay hidden inside.

You know when I’m at my happiest?  Some of you have had the experience of driving with me when I’m on top of a big big world and feeling mighty fine.  Ya’ll may not be enjoying the experience but I sure am.  Laughing till tears spill out of my eyes as you grip the arm rest for dear life or rip out a prayer for safety.  And behind those words you’re laughing too.  Even though you’d rather be in the drivers seat irratating the snot out of me, you’re laughing because that mindset is contagious.

No, I’m not a bad driver.  I don’t speed or do crazy things.  I just know how to open all the windows and the moon roof and pretend that my van is a convertible.  I know how to make people laugh and scare the pee out of them.  I have all the buttons at my fingertips that will open doors randomly or crank up the music.  I am in control and loving it.  Actually, I’m out of control and loving it.

My world will be as big as I make it – as big as I let it become.  And it only grows when I’m enjoying it.  Enjoying the successes and the mistakes.  Enjoying the boring details and the icing.  Enjoying the people who walk in and out of it.  Enjoying every experience at it’s fullest – embracing the emotions – the fear, the tears, the pain, the laughter, the love, the passion.  Embracing the emotions knowing that I am in control – that I am fully equipped by a God who says, nothing is impossible.

Drive home today, roll your windows down, turn up the music, sing along and laugh or smile real big.  There’s a big big world waiting for you.

~ by Jen Chappell on September 29, 2009.