Consider Compassion

A couple months ago I finished reading “Primal Leadership” by Daniel Goleman.  It was the best read I’ve had this year on leadership.  Emotions are a good thing – and I’ve got plenty of them.   Understanding how to use them effectively is imperative because shutting them down is damaging to our soul.

I’m often tending to a bruised heart from wearing it on my sleeve.  Never the less, I want to continue growing in  this area.  Emotions are the waves that move mountains.  They give birth to inspiration.  They fuel us to stay the course.

Without emotions we cannot extend compassion.  Compassion is the one ingredient that creates an atmosphere where people can thrive.  It’s the difference between store bought bread and fresh from the oven homemade bliss.  Both fill our tummies but the latter puts a smile and the mmmm in your mouth.

Compassion will take you from being a leader who accomplishes amazing activities/events to a leader that multiplies his effectiveness by empowering people to accomplish amazing activities/events.  One settles for using the hands and the other digs in their feet to touch hearts.  A leader with compassion impacts people, creates a safe harbor, energizes, heals, supports, teaches, strengthens…etc.

Compassion is also described as:

• kindness
• tenderness
• condolence
• benevolence
• consideration

Making people the priority takes compassion.  It’s the most effective gift we have been given by God – The Master of Compassion.  Through compassion, He gave His only Son, Jesus.  And being made in His image, we have no reason to excuse ourselves from lacking in it.

Daniel Goleman writes, “Feeling good lubricates mental efficiency, making people better at understanding information”  He found that positive feelings in the work place make employees behave more ethically and function more cooperatively in teams.  The book, “The Power of Nice” states it like this: Research has found that the happier an employee is, the more productive and creative he or she will be.

None of this can happen without compassion.  It is the glue that holds our teams together.  Without it we grow weary…tired…drained…used up.

Thank you to all who have shown me compassion.  I’m such a better person because of it.

 

SHOW a little kindness

There is a big difference between saying you’re sorry and showing your sorry.  Sometimes I have to intervene when the kids accidentally hurt eachother.  Today, Joy tossed a book onto Ben’s bed hitting him in the face by accident.  He was in tears and she was frustrated because she did SAY she was sorry.

Most often though, simply saying your sorry doesn’t mend the brokenness.  I’m concerned that pride blinds us into thinking that a word without action should be enough.  Especially when it’s tossed  out across the room.

It’s not that hard to stop what you’re doing, walk up to the person that’s been hurt, place a hand on their shoulder, look (really look) into their eyes and say “I’m so very sorry.  Will you forgive me?”  …Or is it?

And  it gets even harder on the pride when depending on the offense it would be so much kinder to add to the apology,  “What can I do to make it up to you.”

When we fail to live a life of forgiveness as well as a life of asking for forgiveness we set ourselves up for some very serious disadvantages.  Forgiveness has the power to suffocate the opportunities that offer offense and bitterness.  Forgiveness has the power to keep our hearts soft towards people.  Forgiveness has the power to keep our motives pure.

The next time you toss a book and hit your brother or sister in the head by accident – I challenge you to look past the inconvenience of having to stop what you’re doing and take the time to SHOW some kindness.  You may need the same offered to you sometime.

 

Do you WANT to win?

“You can lose, or, if you want to win, you can change” – Lester Thurlow

Life is full of competition and there is no escaping it.  Only when we resolve ourselves to commit to the adventure will we actually move forward on the road of success.  Too often we push success so far into the future as a goal or ending point that we miss out on  success for today.  There is success in our:  every day, every action, every re-action, every hurdle and every moment that we choose to engage in.

When we choose to WANT to win it always requires change.  Growth requires change.  Success requires change.  Losing is easy.  Giving up is a breeze.  Even fulfilling the life plans of others is easier than taking personal accountability to the destiny God has place before each of us.

Step back and acknowledge the top three priorities in your life today.  Compare them with the goals you’ve set before yourself.   Keep a time log of your days for 2wks to 1mth.  Evaluate and take action.  Do you have a clear view of where you are going and what it will take to get you there?  Have you gotten distracted or tempted by things that bring instant gratification?   Have you allowed other things to fill your days that you never intended to invest so much time, money or energy in?

Take on life or it will overtake you.  Make the changes and win.

sowing and showing kindness

I loved Pastor Steve’s teaching on kindness this weekend.  If you missed it check out our website for the audio.

Kindness.  It seems so easy.  Yet we are constantly challenged to take the time to see beyond ourselves and notice the ripple of impact we leave on others.  Though it’s there inside us as a Fruit of the Spirit, it is often overshadowed. Don’t be deceived in thinking that kindness is for those who are mercy motivated or relationally motivated.  Kindness is for every person and will literally open doors of opportunities when all else fails.

As I’ve been pondering this message, I realized that there’s a fine line between showing kindness and sowing kindness.  I believe God calls us to sow kindness far more often than we show it.  When we live as sowers the quality of our living goes way up.

Showing kindness can be an act of cleansing – a way of clearing the muck from relationships.  It’s not so much a well thought out process but rather a re-active measure.  When someone forgives me they’ve shown me kindness.  When I smile and greet someone with a handshake, I show them kindness.  Customer service begins with showing kindness.

However, when we only show kindness we fall short of the higher goal.  In this mindset  it becomes easy to get caught up keeping score, take on  an “all about me” instant gratification mindset, therefore limiting our harvest.  When we only show kindness it’s easy for others to see it as “manipulation”.  I admit it, I’ve done it.  I’ve given my husband a sweet hug, smack on the lips or a shoulder rub to prime the pump for a favor.  Yes, I showed kindness but I didn’t sow it.  There was a method to my madness and I got what I wanted out of the exchange.    However, if I only showed him kindness by these terms it would ultimately destroy the trust we’ve worked so hard to build.

Now, when we sow kindness we take this tool to a whole new level.  Sowing is a premeditated act – a purposeful act for the good of a person or even an organization.  There’s a great harvest when we stop thinking about ourselves and get proactive in this area – When we build a lifestyle of adding value to others. It’s the stuff that makes memories – creates an “experience to remember”.  And ultimately, when we add value to others we experience great personal successes.  Zig Ziglar once said “You can get everything in life you want if you help enough other people get what they want”.  The key to this is to know what others need or appreciate and give it generously with excellence.  (Remember – excellence is doing the best with what you have!)

Being a very intuitive, passionate, people person I tend to feel things early and deep.  I see the writing on peoples faces and love getting to know what it is that makes them smile.  The flip side of this is that getting my own feelings hurt is a common occurrence.  I used to pour so much energy into protecting myself from hurt that I’d wear myself down emotionally.  Questioning if I should even show that person who hurt me kindness.  Literally I tried to become meaner.

One of the best leaders to have ever impacted my life, helped me to “see the light”.  Micah would tell me, “You know you will get hurt so focus on how to act when it happens instead of how to avoid it.”   He showed me that being easily hurt is more about my wiring rather than other peoples intentions.  This allowed me to separate sowing kindness from what the person may deserve.  Never -  never allow your own feelings to get in the way of sowing and showing kindness.

Kindness always moves us forward and at the very least sideways.

be content no matter where you are

I was listening to Ed and Lisa Young on the Today Show and it reminded me about my role as a woman of God, wife, mother, neighbor, friend and leader.

Life in general has so much to offer that it’s easy to over commit, become over stimulated, end up over the top and on the very edge of burnout.   If Religion is jumping through hoops trying to appease God and man, then Relationship is all about contentment.

Contentment is not sitting through life being idle nor is it skimming across life trying to squeeze it all in.

• Contentment is found in the balance of priorities and commitments.  It lives and breathes in that “safe harbor” of  nurturing friendships.  It trusts in the authority figures God has placed over us to guide us in accountability.  It energizes and strengthens us in that place beside still waters that are constantly available to us.

Contentment is not passive, never a weakness.

• It takes an incredible amount of strength to live in a place of contentment.  It means letting go of some of the things you love to do, so that you can be available to do the things God’s called you to.  It means determining which of those things in your life are priority and re-evaluating the things you’ve committed to.  That’s hard.  I’ve had to do it.  I’ve had to let go of some amazing things because of the unbalance they brought.

It’s very challenging  for me  when God calls me to step back and evaluate my life.  When He shows me that it’s time to make a choice that seems to be moving me backwards because I’ve left others behind.  Asking me to live in what could be a shadow can be terrifying.  That’s where I have to dig down deep and know that I know, that I know, it’s not about what happens to me – rather what’s happening in me.

Contentment is found within.

When God hands you a paintbrush

I’ve been painting the whole inside of my house.  3,000 square feet of  trim, doors, walls and ceilings – 2 coats on everything.  There are 7 people that live in my house – 4 of them are kids.  It’s been 5 years since it’s been painted and being that there is no “Dave Ramsey Envelope” with enough cash to hire someone to take this daunting task off my hands, I have gladly taken up the paint brush.  And of course my dear hubby who feels so incredibly honored that I would devote my days to this chore has stepped in a to help bear the burden.

Here’s what makes me laugh.  The remarks I get:  You just love to stay busy.  Do I dream about painting?  Wow, I really know how to turn a house upside down.  The house should be well insulated with all those coats of paint.  You’re painting again????  No one will notice that door being a half shade off – why paint it?  Why do you always have to have projects going?  I can’t wait till you put this house back together….and….and…and…

Why is it that people who have nothing invested in what I’m doing complain about what I’m doing?  How is it that what I’m doing wears others out?  Why is it so inconvenient for everyone but the those of us who are taking the time out of our lives to do the chore?  What is so wrong with wanting the things that God has given me to shine and be beautiful?

Leaders, how often do we make the mistake of rolling our eyes at people when we should be patting them on the back and recognizing honorable hard work.  When we should be offering a steaming hot cup of coffee (chai for me) to re-energize the weary.   Not everyone can delegate at all times.  Nor should we.  Sometimes God wants us to do the work – to feel the pain in our muscles, to stink from the sweat.  There are huge lessons to be learned when we come down off the mountain of leadership and take up space in the battlefield.  For most of us it’s the lesson of understanding and empathy.  Appreciation becomes genuine when we can honestly say “I’ve been there brother”.  Strategies can be reshaped in cutting edge ways because of personal experience.  Innovation happens when we tire of the blisters.

So before you waste another breath judging how another approaches  projects, look around, you might find a paintbrush with your name on it.  After all, virtual tours don’t impact us as deep as the time spent in the arena of blood, sweat and tears.

what you see is what you get

Wrong – Absolutely wrong!  And how many times have we either said this in our minds or out loud?  I dare you to change one word in that phrase and see the difference.  One word changed and you’re back in control.  One simple word that changes everything.

HOW you see is what you get.  HOW you see me is what you’ll get from me. 

HOW you see life is what you’ll get from life. 

I could sit here today and write about how life is so hard, so unfair, so so so………………. And I make no difference sitting in that mindset.  The world closes in – getting smaller and smaller – I get smaller and smaller.

But…. when I change HOW I look at life, at people that dizzy spiral downward feeling stops with a jerk.  My lungs fill with air, the room begins to brighten…I get taller, my world gets bigger….I make a difference.

I dared to change HOW I  see everything.  

H OW I  see you…. HOW I see me…. HOW I see life.

Love People – Love God

The greatest opportunity set before us in life has to do with love and God.  Loving others and loving God.  And the two are linked together.

God entrusted his love to us.  When you look up entrust it speaks of handing over a responsibility, recognition, investing, authorizing.  We entrust our children to the care of the volunteers in the Children’s Ministry.  When we do this we expect that our children will be handled with care, will be taught the Word, will be protected and loved.  When we entrust we are expecting the people in whom we’ve authorized this responsibility to do good and right things.

God entrusted His love to us.

As His people, we then are called to act responsibly, knowing we have been recognized as a worthy investment.  He’s already given it to us – the moment we accepted Him as Lord and Savior, He declared us a worthy investment. We did nothing to earn it.  We simply opened our hearts to Him, entrusted our lives to Him and He entrusted Himself back to us.  Not quit an equal investment I’d say.  I trade my life for His love?  The God of the universe, who knows me, who designed me, who sees the beginning from the end declares that I am worthy of His love.  Not only worthy of it but trusted to share it with others!

Doesn’t that make your head spin?  Throughout life we draw conclusions about what we experience from others.  Conclusions that say we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not old enough, not young enough, not ________ – you fill in the blank or blanks.

So here’s the challenge – can we live up to the standard God has set in His example of entrusting His love to us, by loving others the same way.  By applying the filter of forgiveness to every action, every wrong word that comes our way and see people as God sees them, as He saw us – a worthy investment.  An investment that requires nothing in the way of having to earn our love because while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Love and God are linked together.  If we want to love others we must love God – correctly.  If we want love God we must love others – correctly.  You cannot have one without the other.  You might be able to get away with it for a season but head knowledge doesn’t take us very far into our destiny.  Heart knowledge is where the Truth sets us FREE.

is your world too small?

Sometimes I think I’m living life as if I’m looking out of a pair of binoculars backwards.  Where everything looks tiny yet somehow magnified.  I love the daily rituals I have and all the things that make up my life.  However,  if I’m not careful I tend to stay in the mindset of being full or even overwhelmed by the small stuff.  And to be extremely open – I know how to play the part of this victim mentality really well.

So, because I refuse to allow myself the privelge of wallowing in that mire of mud, I head towards the other ditch.  Cruising down the highway going from point A to point B running a task list through my head.  Everythings allllllll gooood, not sweating the small stuff, plucking forward – checking off the LIST – doing what simply just needs to be done.  And to be extremely open – I know how to play the part of the disengaged empty spirit really well too.

To be very very very very open with you.  I hate those ditches.  Both ditches create a world that is too small.  Too doable – too safe.  People teach themselves to feel safe in a mryiad of emotions just as much as they teach themselves to feel safe in a 12″ thick coat of armor where emotions stay out and emotions stay hidden inside.

You know when I’m at my happiest?  Some of you have had the experience of driving with me when I’m on top of a big big world and feeling mighty fine.  Ya’ll may not be enjoying the experience but I sure am.  Laughing till tears spill out of my eyes as you grip the arm rest for dear life or rip out a prayer for safety.  And behind those words you’re laughing too.  Even though you’d rather be in the drivers seat irratating the snot out of me, you’re laughing because that mindset is contagious.

No, I’m not a bad driver.  I don’t speed or do crazy things.  I just know how to open all the windows and the moon roof and pretend that my van is a convertible.  I know how to make people laugh and scare the pee out of them.  I have all the buttons at my fingertips that will open doors randomly or crank up the music.  I am in control and loving it.  Actually, I’m out of control and loving it.

My world will be as big as I make it – as big as I let it become.  And it only grows when I’m enjoying it.  Enjoying the successes and the mistakes.  Enjoying the boring details and the icing.  Enjoying the people who walk in and out of it.  Enjoying every experience at it’s fullest – embracing the emotions – the fear, the tears, the pain, the laughter, the love, the passion.  Embracing the emotions knowing that I am in control – that I am fully equipped by a God who says, nothing is impossible.

Drive home today, roll your windows down, turn up the music, sing along and laugh or smile real big.  There’s a big big world waiting for you.

Diamonds (part 4)

I’m remembering that rock polisher.  I hated that machine.  It ran for two weeks in our garage which happens to be below our bedroom.  It’s loud and annoying.

At times I’ve felt like I’ve been inside that machine.  Being raised with the mindset of being nice.  No matter what the situation I was brought up to be peaceful.  I was taught to fix the hurt in others.  I took it to such an extreme, I ended up wearing all my angles down becoming a smooth shiny rock and not the diamond God intended me to be.

I’ve spent years challenging myself to become the diamond.  At times I ended up in the other ditch.  I was called a bull in a china shop (and sometimes still do lol!).  So I’d try to be soft again and end up losing myself in too much niceness.  I could relate to those huge giant dogs who act skittish rather than embrace the strength they were built with.

I looked at those two people in the mirror and wondered which one I was I supposed to be that day.  The sharp tough girl or the sweet people pleaser.  It’s a life that resembled a yo yo – not a diamond.

It really hasn’t been until the last few years that I realized both ditches were based out of fear.  I wasn’t embracing the angles God had designed for me.  Instead, I had taken on different planes and edges from the people I had looked up to, trying to become someone else.

Even today, I find myself on occasion leaning towards those patterns when I start comparing myself to others or end up in a situation that requires the risk of great vulnerability.  God has to kick me in the butt then and remind me of who I am.  I laugh at it now because it’s all good.  With every kick in the butt I get stronger – moving further beyond it.  And I get to use what I’ve learned to help grow others.

Don’t let your past determine your future.  Learn from it and grow  and grow and grow some more.  Embrace the pressures and trials – the failures and successes.  It’s what makes us so very very beautiful.

Speaking of diamonds…check out this super hot, diamond covered Mercedes.  I need to get John to make more money…