Diamonds

Diamonds

My husband said something to me this morning as I was grappling with some thoughts and it just hit me between the eyes.  He reminded me of  these rocks we put in this machine to polish up as a project with our kids.  These pretty rocks were made by being tossed around in sand and water until they were worn down to half the size or smaller.  Then he reminded me that diamonds are grown.  And of course he said that I am a diamond.  Don’t you just love him!  So I looked up at him with tears in my eyes and thanked him for this next series of posts.

A diamond is a legend in the making.

Simply put, diamonds grow by applied pressure and heat to the carbon.  This intensity hardens the carbon over a number of years making them a rare find as well as very expensive.  What’s amazing is that diamonds are made from the same substance as the lead in pencils or coal.  The difference is that atoms are arranged more tightly in a diamond, making them harder.

We all have the components to become a diamond.  Life for the most part is not easy.  God never promised it would be.  He did say that His yoke was easy and His burden was light.  This means we can join ourselves to Him (being yoked together) and take delight in the difficult times.  We are to use this tool of peace and strength as we move through the experiences of life.

This next couple of posts I’m going to come from a couple angles.  A personal perspective and a leadership challenge.

• God never intended that we be a piece of coal or simple pencil lead.  We’ve got to learn how to “failure forward”.
• Cutting diamonds is a delicate procedure.  Unless of course you’re Superman… He squeezed carbon in his hand and in seconds had a diamond.

make it LIVE!

Dictionary.com defines great as:  notable; remarkable; exceptionally outstanding; wonderful; first-rate; very good…

I’m a great cook.  I’m a great mom.  I am a great wife.  I am a great friend and I have great friends… I’ve been gifted to be great at many things.

It’s not enough.  This being great thing isn’t the goal for me.  I get so frustrated when people tell me I’m doing enough, it’s good enough, I’ve worked hard enough….it’ll be enough because it’s great and your great and blah blah blah.   (Okay – just a side note – I love affirmation.  Though I tend to frustrate people because I don’t exhibit the outward response they are looking for that I’ve received it.  But I do.  It goes straight to my heart and head and makes me giggle inside. So please don’t stop affirming me. )

However…being just great isn’t good enough for me.  I want what I do to move beyond greatness.  I believe according to God’s Word that whatever I put my hand to shall prosper.  Prosper means to thrive, to BE successful.  And to BE means to LIVE.  I want whatever I do to wholly, fully, for years and years after it’s completion, prosper.  I want it to LIVE.

As leaders we are wired to strive for greatness… for excellence.  We don’t want to waste time tinkering around with the skills and talents that were given to us.  We are driven to hone, to push, to move beyond the limits our minds and people try to place on us.  All because we want what’s been given to us to LIVE.

I’m a great cook, mom, wife, friend and I’m great at many things.  And it will all fade if I don’t push beyond the maintenance of it.  Push to know more about what God put inside me that makes me great.  To strive for deeper levels, greater meaning, making those things I do more intimate and less personal – less selfish.

Making it more than great – making it LIVE.

Decisions Decisions Decisions…

1 corinthians 10:24 – 33 teaches us how to make decisions.

I’m tossing around a lot of ideas – a lot of goals.  Any decisions I make don’t simply involve myself.  It would be far easier but not nearly as exciting.  It’s pretty awesome to know that your life – the decisions you make – affect many many people.  Spouses, children, friends, neighbors, co-workers…etc.

In one sense that reality can seem overwhelming.  All these people to please and will I ever get to make a decision that simply pleases me?  I can already hear the chorus of people saying “It’s not about you”.  I disagree.  If it wasn’t about me then God would have never taken the time to create me.  It’s about me, it’s about you, it’s about us.  When I’m stronger I make you stronger.  When you’re loving life, it brings me even more joy.  We are interwoven.

So how do I make an effective decision?  I believe it has everything to do with what pleases God and His purposes. It’s about taking what He’s placed in me and using it to please Him which ultimately brings me pleasure.  So when I make decisions about my life’s direction I need to make sure that I remember:

We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves.

• I’ve always heard that we can’t love our neighbor until we learn how to love ourselves.  Most people stop there, not realizing that’s only half right.  I’ve spent years not really knowing how to love myself yet still able to love my neighbor.  In fact I think I learned HOW to love myself by loving others.  Not necessarily people like me – but those that ruffle my feathers, those that opinions differ from mine, those that challenge me by not always agreeing with me.  It’s those people that have actually helped me discover myself and new strengths.

We are called to bring people out of darkness.

• Ever heard the saying “stick with me and we’ll go places”?  I get concerned when I find I’m too comfortable, too confident in myself and my ability to lead people.  I have a natural charisma that enables me to meet and embrace many people.  If I don’t remember that this is a gift from God that enables me to bring people closer to Him then I’ve failed.  I’ve lived selfishly.  It’s all about bringing God glory – about empowering people to see God more clearly.  It might start with me shaking someone’s hand and enjoying some mutual laughter but it has to all point to God so when they leave my presence they remain in His – then touching others in the same manner.

I have many decisions every day to make.  I wouldn’t be living life to it’s fullest if they didn’t affect others.  It’s exciting – it’s humbling – it’s risky.

naked cupcakes

There’s been this debate in my life as to what qualifies as “icing”.  You know that stuff you put on cupcakes.  It seems everyone has their own personal preference.  Some could care less, some just want a glazing, some want it in equal proportions and some  just want the top of the cake and to go with their icing.  (They invented really cool muffin-top pans for people like you)

I love to watch people eat cupcakes.  It’s very intriguing.  There are those who scrape off the icing for one of two reasons – either they don’t like it or too many calories.  Then there are those who scrape of certain colors  (and I agree, the red icing and dark blue always taste a little precarious).  There are those that eat the icing with only the top of the cake.  And then some opt for that whip cream topping that totally screams – FAKE!!!!

What does all this have to do with leadership?  Well – what’s leadership without icing?  Without icing it still has substance, it still accomplishes goals and tasks and tasks and tasks and…

But wait – when do we get to the fun, the laughter, the glitter, the high fives, the “wow” we did that and look at the amazement on peoples faces as they come through the doors??????

There is definitely a place for icing.  And it’s the icing that makes the “wow”.  As to how much icing is required to produce that “wow” depends on the project.   I find in life that I usually lean towards saving the fun stuff for last.  Even though I’m a person that LOVES to have FUN, I don’t end up there without going through the “cake” first.  My style of eating a cupcake is to eat the bottom part first, even though I don’t enjoy it, then I save the top to go with the icing.  These past couple of years, though, have loaded up my plate.  Since it’s been so full I know I won’t be able to eat all the cupcake so I’ve taken a new approach to icing.

LAYERS

In managing projects I like to create layers of tasks and fun rather than two separate phases.  I look for people that can help me in both areas and create a plan that includes tasks and icing.  I have found that both types of leaders truly are needed regardless of how one rolls their eyes at the other (and you can be sure they will).  My responsibility is to remind them that truly a cupcake cannot exist without both layers.  And remember – not every layer of icing needs to be the same.  “Fun” differs from person to person.  So mix it up – get messy and remember… you’re not going to please everyone.  People will even roll their eyes at you for what seems a waste of time (cake and icing people) as you expand a project to include both layers.

Relationships determine the Atmosphere

As leaders we are responsible for creating an atmosphere for our teams.  There are several ways to do this but I think only through the fine art of relationships does it happen successfully. Relationships that involve working together, sharing ideas and stories, trust and forgiveness…etc.

I think about some of the things I’ve created or designed.  I’ve built teams from scratch, designed rooms, hosted parties, decorated for holidays and helped package teaching series’.  I don’t remember what the church looked like for Christmas 5 years ago but I do remember working with some team members and having a great time.  I remember when my team leader trusted me to create flower arrangements with her.  Another year I remember working with a team member laughing over this gigantic wreath that came in four or six pieces and we were assembling it into a zig zag instead of a circle and some how we had to hook it together and make a twin.  I remember people laughing at me as I sweated bullets climbing to the top of what seemed like a 500 foot ladder to trim the top of this tree and kept thinking – how did I get chosen for this?  I remember getting wound up w/sugar and laughing to the point of tears with different team members around a table as we dreamed up ways to impact peoples lives through Pastors teachings.  I remember sitting with a team member mapping out where to put these giant objects on the walls for over an hour and being honored with some great stories from their life.  I remember hearing shrieks from the victims I worked with who were honored with an attack from my fake roaches only to walk in from vacation and find my chair wrapped in duck tape or my overhead bin filled with packing peanuts.  All these memories send this warmth through me.  I’ve been so blessed with great memories – great people.

I remember the sweat, sore muscles, tears of laughter, tears of frustration, the honor of being trusted as a leader, being let down as commitments fell through and all along it was and is still all about the relationships I’ve gained from serving next to people.

That’s why atmosphere is important.  It’s not about balloons and upside down christmas trees hanging from ceilings or the right wall color or ornament.  It’s about the choices I make to involve others in my life and having the love and energy to involve myself in others lives.  It’s about having right attitudes and checking my pride at the door knowing that as the leader I am here to serve with my people.  I am responsible for creating an atmosphere that allows them to be who God called them to be.  Filling in their cracks as they fill in mine.  This is the type of atmosphere people actually take with them as they leave a job well done.

What’s in Your closet?

Today my kids went back to school after a very busy trackout.  It was my first trackout with them since I’ve quit my job and decided to go back to being a domestic goddess.  It was so great hanging out with them and accomplishing projects as a team.  It’s making me take a step back and envision the next 10 years.

What do I want it to look like, feel like, sound like?  What challenges /opportunities should I choose to take head on?  How do I fit into this picture and what areas will I need to grow in or have an accountability partner in order to grow successfully?

It’s easy for me to do a lot of things.  The hard part is knowing what I should be focusing on.  I’m reading this book called “The War of Art“.  It’s a pretty easy read yet challenging at the same time.  I don’t necessarily agree with it all so like everything I read or study outside of God’s Word, I eat the meat and throw away the bones.  This book is challenging me to take a good look at the talents I have that I’ve tinkered with but never really done anything about.

I grew up loving art/music (and cooking and organizing).  It was a safe place for me to just simply enter a world that fit.  It wasn’t just a paint or charcoal pencils or notes on a scale – it was something no one could take away from me, it was mine – my gift.  Yet eventually I had to “grow up” because when you’re told you’re not being realistic, or you’re ideas are cheesy, or that’s just a hobby that you’ll outgrow it eventually takes root inside of you like a weed and chokes out what God had planted within you in the first place.

When my mom dealt with a heart attack it really smacked me in the face.  I found myself spread so thin living in shoes that weren’t meant to be worn 24/7.  They were shoes that fit and were fun to wear.  You know like those cool boots or heals that make you feel sexy and the song “I got the power” drums out in every step…yeah – I know you’re shaking your head.  Anyways – I did like those shoes.  I was having fun, growing and expanding who I was and what I could do.  I loved it and still love it.  But there were also these other shoes I had that were collecting dust.

Planning the next 10 years is like shoe shopping.  I’m trying on shoes again – I’ve outgrown many of them thanks to all the great people that have poured into me.    I know my taste in styles will change so I’m picking out ones that will last me 10 years and I’m picking out some that I’ll wear for this year and maybe next year and I’m also looking at some frivolous ones just because they are fun.  And of course some great comfy socks.  Anyone who knows me well knows I love my socks!

Who wants to go shopping????

When Your Family

Today my little man, Ben, is at a friends house.  Anytime one of my children stay over at a friends house the dynamic changes within our household.  No matter who it is it always seems a little more subdued around here.  We’re not paralyzed or anything but there is a noticeable  difference.

It got me thinking about our teams.  When one of our members is absent for any particular reason is there a noticeable difference or a subdued atmosphere as you get together?  More plainly said – “Do you miss them – their energy or calmness, their smile or laughter, their opinion regarding situations, etc…?”

Too often we get into this rut where we forget to celebrate our people for simply just being part of our teams.  Not just as a VALUED pair of hands – also a PASSIONATE source of energy and pizazz they bring to the environment/atmosphere of the team.

It’s easy recruiting and placing people in a position we may have available.  But to make a “mini-family” that really enjoys being together takes work.  Hard work.  It means getting grubby at times as we get past bumps along the road.  And anytime you’ve got “family” you’ve got bumps to get over.  That’s the beauty of relationships.  They move and flow, challenge and change, frustrate and bless.

Our life doesn’t stop when a family member is separated from us.  It’s good to broaden our horizons w/relationships outside of who we are as a “family”.  Just as it’s good for team members to embrace other teams “family” members.  It adds dimension to who we are.  But it’s great when we all get to be together again – sharing memories, working on projects, laughing and supporting eachother.

Family isn’t about just living together or serving together – it’s about being and growing together.

You know that thing God calls us to do?

I love to paint.  Actually I love the time I spend singing and worshiping my God while listening to my Ipod as I paint.  If  I could find a task that shuts out all the “noise” in my life that didn’t require such physical effort then I’d certainly trade.  Yet nothing comes close to sitting on the floor running a brush across the wall and enjoying the fact that I don’t need to use tape because I am that good. 

As I got lost in the mixture of music and paint this morning I realized I had a smile on my face and this blanket of peace covered me.  Wasn’t thinking about any goals, tasks or plans necessarily – just life as a whole.  I’m content.  Really REALLY content.  I’ve never been able to say that before!  I’ve lived a life trying to measure up – pleasing everyone – and putting myself last.   Don’t get me wrong though – I’ve been living life and living it full.  I love my life and I love to laugh.  Yet for years at the very VERY core of me there was this place I couldn’t seem to touch.  It’s been very easy to ignore because it’s not screaming at me – it just sits there as I skirt around it living.

I think it took getting a little older, wiser, more comfortable in my skin to slow down enough to look at it – honestly embrace it.  I think I found me in there.  The me that God originally created before people started “programming” me.  It’s a little unnerving actually.  I’ve spent all my life trying to dance to this song that my feet didn’t understand, yet despite the bruises, God has been faithful.  I’ve climbed huge “mountains” and conquered overwhelming “battles”.

I’ve spent so many years searching for who I was supposed to be when I’ve been here all along.  I just couldn’t see it – couldn’t feel it – couldn’t hear it – couldn’t embrace it.  I’d sing songs that tell God that I’ll make my heart His home and always wondered – how does that work?  When I asked Jesus into my heart over 20 years ago I can say that I never fully understood where this place was in my heart that He was suppose to occupy.  So, in faith I’ve lived knowing He’s been there.  And because of that I’ve seen miracles, walked in His power, prayed for what seemed like hours, wept gallons of tears over the lost and broken and loved Him with all my heart and soul.

Now,  I think I understand.  He calls us to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.  To enter into His rest.   This takes place way deep down in our core.  In that place where we invite Him to live – His home in us.  Where He and I become we.  Where I live out of His power, His love.  Where I become the daughter of the very Creator of the universe and conquer ever “Mission Impossible” because it’s from this place where all things are TRULY possible.  He wasn’t playing hide and seek from me – I just wasn’t ready to see it – find it or truly embrace it.

I’ll admit – it’s scary and exciting.  Wish I would of had this understanding long long ago actually.   I am truly grateful I get to pass on this legacy to my four beautiful children.  And really – let’s be serious, I am only 37.  The world is at my fingertips and mine for the taking.  I chose years ago to be all that He’s called me to be and now I get to do it with even more flair – more power – more confidence.  I’m kicking down the walls that encased the very core of who I am and letting it seep into my entire being.

Maybe it’s time you do some painting – and singing.  Find that thing that causes you to enter His rest allowing you to worship Him in Spirit AND in Truth.

when iron damages iron

Life isn’t given to us to merely survive – it’s given to us so we can be useful. We weren’t meant to float through life just bumping into one another or maneuvering through faceless crowds.  We were meant to make impacts and to be impacted.  To sharpen and to be sharpened.

Both require knowledge and attention to detail.  When done wrong both instruments get chipped, dented or even broken.  It’s a fine art to being a leader that sharpens others.  I was an instrument that was mishandled and damaged during my youth.   And because of that I’m constantly checking my own approach to life, surrounding myself with people who can help me smooth out the dents and chips that still exist.

To be the sharpener we are required to have the oil (love), the knowledge of the angle it takes and a firm, yet gentle nature as we begin to grind the blades of others.  We must have a knowledge about both the knife and the sharpener.  When we stop checking on ourselves and totally focus on others it can lead to sudden movements causing sparks to fly.  When we only look inward we lose our usefulness.

Leaders -  it’s about planning, precision and carefulness.  It’s about finding the right angle of approach.  Arguing, pushing buttons to expose weak spots, high expectations with little return on investment, short sightedness and self preservation will always lead to a brokenness that God never called us to.   In one way or another it will hurt the people you are trying to sharpen and it will ultimately damage you.   You’ll end up with a pile of wounded team members and little to no trust from them.  You will simply be charging hell with a water pistol which by the way won’t get you very far.

I’m a driver – a doer – a go getter, don’t stop me, run myself into the ground mover and shaker.  But when it comes to people, I’d rather fight with an army that carries dull swords and has synergy than with an army where everyone is  swinging wildly at each other attempting to stay sharp.

Her Hero

She calls me her hero...

I am so taken back by such a simple action my daughter took today.  She’s healing from a nasty cold and I’ve done simply what duty requires as her mom.  Yet she says I am not like any other mom and that God is so good to have given me to her.  That I am strict but kind.

Strict but kind…wow.  How’s that for a leadership principle.

To be told that I’m strict but kind I think is such a compliment.  An affirmation of  balanced leadership.  There are times I make her cry or make her mad.  Yet there are many more times that I make her smile, feel safe and affirmed.  It’s such an honor being the mom of the four beautiful children God has given me.  I’ve learned so much about myself.  They’ve exposed my weaknesses as well as helped me discover my strengths.

If I could be that type of person to others it will have been a life well lived.