Loyalty

I think people get confused with where to place their loyalties.  We’re loyal to the idea of family, the ministry, the business, the friendship.  I’ve seen great people get caught up in being so committed to being loyal to these ideas that they become narrow focused.  They miss out on the people their loyalties were meant to protect and grow.

I have outside family members that have made it so difficult to continue any sort of relationship with because they are constantly criticizing my lifestyle.  When I pull away to protect myself from the chaos and condemnation they feel I’ve been disloyal to them as a family member.  And when I climb above the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) I realize that they have a mistaken definition of loyalty.

I’ve seen people who saw and stood on their version of the whole picture.  Rather than investigating the truth they’ve stuck to their version and began making decisions with huge ripple effects.  And they feel justified because they’ve placed their loyalty in protecting the” business”.

I’ve seen married couples who place their loyalties in their vows but overlook the details that build a great marriage.  Families that place their loyalties in putting family first in their priorities but never see the dreams of each individual child.  Christians who put their loyalty into a life of righteousness yet never learn to hear to whisper of Almighty God.

Loyalty to an idea or a thing is really only loyalty to oneself.  On a very basic level it’s pure selfishness.  And that’s something we all have to deal with on a daily basis.  That’s why Jesus said “Love your neighbor as yourself” and Paul said he has to die daily.

They succeeded in this life because they understood that loyalty belonged to people – other people rather than in their concept of ideas and things.  They really understood that it’s about the people.  It’s about loving others, serving others, growing others from a stand point of compassion, listening to others, supporting others, equipping others.

We have some long time friends who have been with us and us with them through many seasons.  We’ve placed our loyalties above the friendship and directly on each other as people.  We’ve both realized that it’s people, not tasks that define the friendship.  When we chose to become debt free we had to change our behavior about spending money.  We couldn’t skip out to the movies with them or buy their meal or shower them with gifts like we’re used to doing.

They never got huffy about it.  They never withdrew to “allow us time to get through this phase”.  They never whined or judged us as selfish.  Rather they jumped in to support us.  Together, we journeyed into this new adventure.  We redefined our social hours to playing cards and hanging out at each others houses.  Making food and sharing meals rather than ordering out.  And through all of this we built a stronger friendship.

Other friends pulled away.  They rolled their eyes at having to play games or get messy in the kitchen with us.  They whined at not being able to spend money we didn’t have.  Basically, they weren’t ready to take that step with us.  Their loyalty wasn’t in us as people but rather it was in the friendship. They ended up being stuck in the disappointment of what we could no longer do for them.

What if we challenged ourselves to re-define loyalty?  What would life look like?  I bet it would be more of Heaven on Earth.  There would be a lot less hurt, loneliness, offense and back biting.  We’d be inspired to really look people in the eyes and “see” them rather than our “expectations” of them.  Marriages would be built upon laughter rather than tears.  Children would grow up understanding where their security lies and that their dreams matter.  And our version of righteous living would include not just the “rules” of Christian living but truly allowing God to reign in our hearts and minds.

Tagged: Leadership

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